


Please Scream Inside Your Heart

by Milady_Kora



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Bets & Wagers, Comedy, Established Relationship, F-word(s), Gen, Humor, M/M, Minor inconveniences, Mocking, Or rather trying not to swear, Pre-Time Skip, Swearing, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26496766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milady_Kora/pseuds/Milady_Kora
Summary: Telling Sylvain he was a prick because of his dang habit of screwing girls was just not the same, for fork's sake... Especially since Sylvain was his boyfriend and usually too busy screwing Felix to even think about girls nowadays.Butespeciallysince Sylvain was heck-bent on turning the whole ordeal into torment for Felix. What the frick had he gotten himself into.Or, thanks to a bet, Felix legally cannot say fuck (or swear at all) for an entire week. He hates it and Sylvain takes advantage of the situation.
Relationships: Annette Fantine Dominic & Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Annette Fantine Dominic & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Claude von Riegan, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 16
Kudos: 66





	Please Scream Inside Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fancywaffles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fancywaffles/gifts).



> Today is [waffles'](https://twitter.com/waffle_fancy) birthday, go and congratulate her on twitter (and then [check out her works](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fancywaffles/works)), she does fantastic stuff and is honestly the reason I got back into fandom. Thanks for that, again!
> 
> Content warnings for sort-of mature language? And stubbing your little toe, and the unbearable pain that follows. Enjoy!

"The meat is fucking dry in this damn stew."

Felix's words sank onto the dining hall table between them before deciding to scramble away. The professor raised an eyebrow, staring at him. Felix stared back. To his left, Sylvain was trying very hard not to laugh.

"I think your classmates would appreciate you using less colourful language," they said before lifting up their bowl of Daphnel Stew and slurping directly from it.

Felix sputtered, then turned his surprised facial expression into a glare. "And I think your students would appreciate more table manners from their fucking professor."

The bowl got set down with a clink loud enough to make silverware clatter to the floor. If the dining hall wasn't so noisy, everyone's eyes would be on them. Felix sighed.

"Alright," the professor said. "You can see it as a challenge. No cussing until the end of the moon."

Sylvain burst into laughter. "Professor, he's going to fail that challenge miserably," he said. "Felix couldn't withhold from swearing even if he tried!"

Felix kicked him under the table. "First of all, I could. Second of all, fu-," No. "Oh for fu-," No again. Felix exhaled audibly through his nose before mumbling "Nevermind."

"No, no, what were you going to tell me?" Sylvain was back on his obnoxious grin. "Please, enlighten me. What was your second point again?"

Fuck. Wait. Wrong. What was it that the boar always said in his attempt to appear civilised?

Fiddlesticks.

"I was going to say," Felix gritted out through his teeth, "that you look simply fabulous today. Absolutely fantastic."

Sylvain's smirk definitely mocked him. Felix kicked him again, and then a third time for good measure. Traitor. What kind of boyfriend stabbed his partner in the back like that?

At least they were already three weeks into the current moon. That would leave him with little more than a week. Felix sighed. He could totally do it, right?

* * *

Wrong. Very wrong. Felix couldn't even describe how much he was looking forward to the end of the moon. He felt sorely tempted to go to the cathedral bridge and just yell loud enough to make birds scatter, now that one of his primary outlets for anger was taken away from him. Telling Sylvain he was a prick because of his dang habit of screwing girls was just not the same, for fork's sake - especially since Sylvain, his boyfriend, was usually too busy screwing Felix to even think about girls nowadays. 

But _especially_ since Sylvain was heck-bent on turning the whole dang ordeal into torment for Felix. What the frick had he gotten himself into.

"Hey, Felix," Sylvain whispered in class, slinging an arm around Felix's shoulders, "I know you can't say _the_ F-word, but how about I give you another F-word you can use instead?"

Felix groaned and fell forward, banging his head on the wooden desk. The world was out to get him because whatever it was Sylvain was about to suggest, it would be unhelpful, appalling and only there to make fun of him.

Sylvain leaned forward, draping himself all over Felix's back. Felix did his best to ignore it, which had an arguably unobservable (or, and that was unfortunately more likely, a nonexistant) effect. Sylvain's smile was probably as disgustingly saccharine as his voice. "And the best thing is, it even has the same meaning!" Sylvain paused for dramatic effect because of course he would do that. Of course he would. Felix felt him angle his head towards his ears because the world just hated him that much. "Fornication."

If only Felix could scream right now. But he was in the middle of class, sitting next to the most awful person in the world and so all he could do was let out a pitiful whine. This was not. Darn. Funny.

Sylvain seemed to disagree. "No, this one isn't up to your standards?", he murmured, clearly trying not to laugh. "Ever the one with high expectations, Felix." The way Sylvain theatrically enunciated the first letter of Felix's name was a direct invitation to get stabbed. "Don't worry, I have an alternative. Also starts with f, and means roughly the same thing, too! Isn't that great, Felix?"

The recipient turned his head with a weak glare. He was so dang tired from all of this. The entire situation would be infinitely more bearable if he could cuss to a level appropriate to his anger, but this silly bet had all but muzzled him in the worst way possible. Which is exactly why Sylvain, his eyes sparkling with a predatory glint, chose to look Felix directly in his eyes as he whispered "Fellatio."

Today was the worst day of his life, Felix concluded. Even as he brought his hands up to cover his ears, they failed to block out Sylvain's next suggestion, sung in the most lilting voice possible. Of course Sylvain would use his flipping sexual baritone for this.

"Fingering."

Felix lifted his head a few centimetres before banging it against the desk again.

"Fisting."

Felix's legs were shaking from anger and desperation. "I hate you so much," he vowed. "I'm not sleeping with you again, ever."

"Foreskin," Sylvain continued, undeterred.

Felix dug his hands into his own hair and pulled, hoping to distract himself. It didn't work, or otherwise he'd have been spared from hearing Sylvain murmur "Frenulum." directly into his ear. Horrible. Awful. Felix was close to crying.

"Son of a beacon," he weakly offered as an insult.

This made Sylvain laugh so hard he could barely walk after class. Served him right, Felix thought. At the front of the classroom, he saw Byleth smirk.

His life, in short, was a shipshow.

* * *

Sylvain continued for the rest of the day. And then for another day. And another. Among his horrible, awful, crummy suggestions were "fetish", "flaccid", "flogging", "fanny" and other things Felix would really, REALLY prefer to have never heard from his boyfriend's mouth.

"What is it with you and the letter F?!", Felix asked during dinner on the fourth day, running out of patience, energy and self-preservation.

Sylvain grinned. "I don't know, Felix Fraldarius, what is it with _you_ and the letter F?"

Next to him, Annette looked up from her peach sorbet.

"Wait, what? What is it with Felix and the letter F? What did I miss?"

Felix groaned and buried his face into his hands. Why was he still here? He didn't even like peach sorbet. For all he cared, it could go fling itself. Directly into the Abyss. As he rubbed his eyes, he willed himself to disappear into the darkness behind his eyelids, but unfortunately and unsurprisingly, his body remained where it was, his rear firmly seated on the dining hall bench.

Apparently, Sylvain's explanation of why Felix desperately yearned for the astral plane to claim him had the desired effect. That is, the effect desired by Sylvain. Not by Felix. Because now Annette was tugging on his arms.

"Hey, Felix, look at me!"

Felix resisted. Annette tugged harder.

"Come on!"

Felix growled, than relented. He blinked a few times as he adjusted back to the light.

"What."

Annette smiled sweetly, but in the typical fashion of radiant Annette-grins, it was impossible to tell if she was laughing at him or simply in a good mood.

"If you can't say the bad f-word, you could say fun instead!"

Laughing at him, then.

"I'm done." Felix stood up, took a deep breath (in and out. there was no need for him to murder anyone just yet), then turned around and walked out of the dining hall. He was so done. Sylvain, of course, was laughing again.

* * *

After Felix figured out how to hide from everyone and their well-meaning, insulting suggestions ("I think using flowery language suits you really well, Felix!", Mercedes had told him. Felix scowled.), it became at least somewhat bearable.

At least, that's what he thought - until, in the darkness of the evening, he stubbed his little toe on the doorframe after returning from the training hall. It took every last shred of his dignity, battered and bruised, to stop himself from yelling "FOX!" in ear-reach of everyone in the dorm. Well, to be precise, it took him every last shred of his dignity and several collisions between the wall and his left fist. The other one he sunk his teeth into because for some forsaken reason, the only reason little toes existed was to cause him unbearable pain.

His life hated him. That was the only explanation.

When Felix finally composed himself, unclenched his jaw and straightened up, the person suddenly next to him made him jump.

Of course, Claude was awake and heard him. Of course that had to happen.

"What," Felix hissed, "the frick do you want?"

"I could ask you the very same question, Felix," Claude replied nonchalantly. "After all, was it not you who banged on our shared wall just moments ago?"

Great. And here he thought he could just go to sleep.

"Fine, it was me. But it had nothing to do with you."

More than anything else, Felix wanted to get the conversation over with. Which, by itself, was not a new feeling for him, but this week had given him some new reasons for it.

"Sure it didn't," Claude said like he couldn't care less about the answer, "but I'm here now, anyways. So why don't you invite me into your charming little room and tell me why you've looked more stabby than usual for the entire week?"

"I didn't look-"

"You did," Claude interrupted, "and it was very funny. But also, I like knowing why my dear neighbour has all those murderous intentions, and I especially like knowing if those intentions might be directed against me."

Felix sighed. He was tired, the week had been horrible, and he just wanted to go to sleep. It was a direct testament to how exhausted he was when he turned around and went into his room, leaving the door behind him open, before flopping onto his bed and mumbling "Fine. Come in. I can't stop you anyways."

Felix had to hand it to Claude - annoying as he was, the man knew that it was in his best interest not to laugh (as much as he obviously wanted to) because that was the easiest way to have Felix direct his "murderous intentions" towards him.

So instead of laughing, Claude gave Felix a pat on the knee. "Well, if it matters at all, I think you've been doing a great job."

Felix flipped him off, but swallowed the complimentary words that usually went along with the gesture. He only had one day left. If he lost now, he would never live that down.

Claude flashed a smile and stood up from where he was seated on Felix's bed. "I have some advice for you. Free of charge, nothing asked in return."

Felix gave a weak grunt in response. "Whatever. Fine. I just want to sleep and put this dang week behind me."

Claude was already at the door. Then, he turned around and winked. "Scream inside your head. See if that helps."

He was wise enough to close the door behind him quickly, because even if Felix couldn't cuss, he could throw knives, and he always had a dagger on his nightstand. The door to his room now had yet another blade-shaped indent.

* * *

Claude's advice was actually helpful. Sort of. Even if Felix would never admit it. While he certainly couldn't concentrate on lessons, he found screaming inside his head to be actually very... relaxing. And it made him much more focused during sparring, too.

Whether it was thanks to the advice or something else, the last days of the moon went by so, so much faster. It was almost unreal.

On the evening of the final day, Felix sat down in his room, looked outside the window, and simply waited to hear the monastery bell. To say he was proud of himself would be an overstatement, but he certainly wasn't unhappy about proving Sylvain wrong. And the professor, too. That was also great.

Finally, the bell tolled, which meant it was midnight and Felix was free at last. _Hell_ yes. Felix got up and strutted over to Sylvain's room, practically hammering on the door. He had been looking forward to this moment all week.

Judging by how fast Sylvain opened, and by how energetic his grin seemed, Felix hadn't woken him up. Too bad, but Felix didn't waste any thoughts on this.

"Fuck you," Felix spit out. "You're a complete and total asshole."

Sylvain's smile widened even more, and before Felix knew it, he was being picked up and crushed in a bear hug.

"What the goddamn actual fuck!", Felix protested, "let go of me!"

When all he got was a perfunctory "Nope" from Sylvain, he proceeded with giving Sylvain epithets that would have turned Jeralt's ears blue. Sylvain just laughed and carried him into his room. Finally, everything was back to normal.

About damn time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to ~historical accuracy~ I couldn't make Felix call Sylvain a son of a gun but also, I might implement "son of a beacon" into my daily vocabulary now, so, yknow. Silver linings and all that jazz.
> 
> Anyway please press F to pay respects for Felix.
> 
> Hi, thanks for reading this, this was so much fun to write! If you enjoyed this, come say hi to me on[Twitter](https://twitter.com/MiladyKora), and if you'd like to leave a tip, you can do that [here](https://ko-fi.com/miladykora). Otherwise, feel free to check out my other [stuff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milady_Kora/works) \- and **please leave a comment telling me your favorite f-word** :D
> 
> Oh, and you can look forward to Sylvix week!


End file.
